I’ve been sharing a great deal about anniversaries lately, and today I have another one: it’s nine years this month since I began doing the weekly vlog. That’s roughly 270 vlogs. In all that time, I’ve only missed three or four weeks.

Here’s a little insight into how it happens: I usually film each Wednesday’s vlog on the Monday morning before. Then my team does all the processing that needs to happen to have it ready by Wednesday. 

I have an Evernote on my phone titled “future vlog topics,” and it goes back for years. I use it to capture thoughts or add links to articles. The team also keeps track of suggestions you write in—we get about one a day.  

Sometimes I come up with a topic related to something that’s happened to me that week. Sometimes I want to talk about science. Other times I want to share a life lesson. 

Sometimes, like today, I come to the vlog in an emotional state that makes it hard to talk about anything. The vlog feels to me like truth serum. I look into the red dot above the camera lens and I feel all of you—thousands of you—there with me. What I have to say has to come from a genuine place.

I’m an emotional creature. My astrology chart is loaded with water: Sun, rising sign, Mercury, and Saturn all in Cancer; Moon in Scorpio, and Jupiter in Pisces. If I’m affected by life, it’s hard not to bring that to the vlog. 

I spent this past weekend with a dear friend who is dying. Though she’s very dear to me, we just met for the first time. We became close online. She drove up from Appalachia, where she lives. She’s dying, and isn’t yet at peace with that. She has less than a year. 

Then this morning, I got a call from someone who was affected by something I had said to them about their weight. She was feeling comfortable in her body, so what I said sent her reeling. I’ll shoot a vlog about it sometime, as I will on my friend who is dying, with their permission.

I can’t shoot those topics yet. I only shoot a vlog topic once, so I have to make sure I’m ready to say everything that needs to be said. I thought I was going to shoot today’s vlog on the book, On This Bright Day, but I’m not ready for that, either. 

All these things were in my head and on my heart when I was getting ready. I sat down and cried after my shower, and scrolled through my Evernote document. I scrolled through pages and pages of ideas that were nowhere near anything I could remotely face talking about today. 

And then I found something way back at the end, that I must have written down years ago, and it’s something I can talk about today.

It’s a bunch of bunny slipper mantras. Here they are:

When I have an extra hard day,
I will take extra good care of myself.

When I am under a lot of stress,
I will treat myself with a lot of kindness.

When I feel more overwhelmed than usual,
I will take more time to rest than usual.

When my emotions are strong, 
My self-compassion will also be strong.

When I am feeling additional tension,
I will make space for additional relaxation.

When I am feeling deeply, 
I will also practice accepting my emotions deeply.

When I am really tired,
I will be really gentle with myself.

—Anna Runkle*

That’s all I could resonate with this morning, and I’m giving myself permission to do a vlog that is pieced together with duct tape and chicken wire. And it’s okay. 

We have such a sensitive community, and we’re all—myself included—just showing up for each Bright Day. And sometimes that day is vlog day. So, on this day I made space for an unusual topic. 

I hope that, if you are the one who sent these to me years ago, or posted them on Facebook, you’ll make yourself known so we can give you credit.

* Since it's publication, this caption was edited to add attribution to Anna Runkle.